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Thursday, January 2, 2014

I Hate Snow

I Hate Snow

It's 31 degrees and there's this yucky white, cold and wet stuff falling from the sky.

Ok, it's pretty when everything turns white, but that's as far as any amount of value stops.  It's cold, slippery, gets dirty after a day, piles up everywhere and generally makes life a little more difficult.

Driving is even more of an adventure in this stuff.  Not that there aren't enough crazy people pretending they can navigate a couple tons of steel down a narrow path of asphalt, but add some slippery slush to the mix, and it's almost comical.  From driving at 5 mph with your flashers on, to high horsepower rear-wheel drive muscle cars trying to keep a straight line, watching folks try to manipulate their vehicles in this fallen shaved ice has a very high entertainment value.

Walking in it makes trying to walk in a straight line after a binge of tequila look like a ballet.  No matter what kind of shoes you are wearing, the snow acts like a layer of Vaseline on the bottom.  Even snow shoes make you walk like you are wearing flippers.  And unfortunately, as we grow up, we are not as close to the ground as we used to be... so the level of potential energy has increased.  That energy is released when our fall suddenly stops on the way down.  

And then, of course, there is the next morning.  The next morning when you open the door and there is a flat side to the snow where the door used to be.  The next morning when you open the garage door and wonder "If I go fast enough, can I make it out of the driveway in my car?"  The next morning when you get that automated phone call from the school saying they are delaying opening.  The next morning when you open the window to see if the road has been plowed yet.  The next morning... well, you get the picture.

Sure there are winter sports, sledding, tubing, skiing, etc.  But all of those require layers of clothing, massive prep time, and are usually only enjoyed after a long uphill trek.  And when you take a break from these so called "sports", you get warm by drinking something hot.  Isn't that the antithesis of normal?  Sports are generally enjoyed in some loose fitting clothing followed by drinking something cold.  

Maybe I'm a little biased.  Grew up in the south where, as my dad would say, "Ice is only good in your drink".  It took me a while to understand why they put salt on the road.. didn't think we were eating it.  Chains on tires?  Heated seats?  And those little wires in the rear window.. now I get it.  I once got, as a gift, a long plastic handle with a flat end... they had to explain to me that was for scrapping ice.. not for a drink, but off the windshield.

I used to laugh at the all the old people that would move down to the south from the cold north.  Called them names like "Blue Hairs" or "Snow Birds".  They say that with age, comes wisdom.  So maybe I should have just called them "SMART".

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